What is a woman without a mirror?

All women are vain. All women. Even dykes. Even nutjobs. Well, all women are nutjobs, so there you go. All women are born with the vanity gene. It's encoded into their DNA and they can't escape it.

Women will use anything for a mirror. Your keychain. The shiny lid of a salt shaker. A window. The car bumper while they're pumping gas. Your mirrored sunglasses. Especially while you're wearing them. They can't stop. They can't help themselves.

I've recently noticed, and perhaps I'm coming in a little late in the game so fuck me if I'm just now figuring this out, but I've recently noticed that the way women check themselves out the most is through the eyes of other women. Maybe some of you will argue with me and say that they check themselves out in the eyes of a man. We only wish they did. Women don't dress and make themselves up for us. Unless they're hookers or porn stars. Even then I think they dress for the competition.

Fake hair, fake nails, fake tits, fake lips, fake eye color, fake tan, fake teeth, fake laugh, fake friends, fake life, fake girl.